The Adventure of The Platinum Arse
Introduction to Michael Dicksense and the Platinum Arse Michael Dicksense is a black lad from New Hawaii, a planet in the middle of the Kleenex Galaxy, a galaxy made entirely from Kleenex Tissues. This was obviously very problematic as you cannot eat or drink kleenex tissues and thus Michael Dicksense travelled to earth in a spaceship made from Kleenex Tissues. This took him about 2 years and four nanoseconds. Upon arriving on planet Earth, Michael discovered music and gained instant talent, creating the Vortex of Crap label alongside his new friend Genius Incredible. They both worked on the first album for the label, "Oniichan your penis is so dirty and mucky" and the rest is history. The Platinum Arse is a legendary artefact said to contain powers to envelope the universe in one giant Shitpost. It will be the Shitpost to End all Shitposts, and prophecy fortells that if it falls into the wrong hands, it can be used to end the entire universe. The Tale of Dicksense and the Platinum Arse This will be a comprehensive guide to the adventures Dicksense has undertaken to secure the Arse. While making the Oniichan album, Dicksense met a chap named "Chuckleberry Flatulant Dickmuncher" who told him of a sacred book of Holy Bread called The Breadble. While Dicksense wasn't interested in Bread or the stupid fucking cult that Dickmuncher was preaching about, he was interested in the book as it may contain clues to the locations of severely restrained memes and shitpost artefact. Dicksense, while browsing the yeasty scriptures of the Breadble, heard his pet Owl Inspector Shit Wank McAss Ballsack Gribbins sqwark with knowledge. The feathery friend and/or slut told Dicksense of the existence of the Platinum Arse. We don't know how this Owl came across the knowledge, nor do we give the slightest fuck whatsoever. After saving Russia from a zombie apocalypse, Dicksense travelled to the house of the prophet Kazuya From Tekken, and asked him how to find the Platinum Arse. Kazuya From Tekken instructed him to look in the holy gingerbread house. At the house, Dicksense discovered Genius Incredible was there taking an expert nibble of the house, his technique was so perfect that he didn't even get any crumbs on his exhalted, splendid, magnificent suit. However, the house was empty, as everyone knows that gingers have no soul. Cursing his stupidity, Dicksense followed Genius back to his house, where he witnessed the fine suited gentleman craft three unbelievably rosterous albums. Inspired by the display of talent presented by his fancy friend, Dicksense wanked, but then he heard a bell toll, and went to discover where it was coming from. It happened to be the bebs of saint joj, and at the holy cathedral of saint joj he discovered a single, rusty, tattered, buggered book. He knew what it was instantly, before him was the Diary of the Mysterious Git! Within the pages of the Diary, Dicksense learned many a tale, but the most important pages were actually missing, because fuck you. Wielding new-found knowledge, Dicksense travelled to his home galaxy of Zappybugdikfugwancho (The Kleenex Galaxy, for those who don't speak Kleenong) to find the second volume of the git diary. Why was it there? Because I FUCKING SAID SO. He found it, but not before an old rival appeared before him, determined to take the Diary for himself. Chuckleberry Flatulant Dickmuncher pursued Dicksense, but the black chappy was so fast he had time to give caddy a drink. He used his samsung galaxy to phone his neighbour, stupid, and stupid got his :B1: bomber to come run the fuck over Chuckleberry Flatulant Dickmuncher's stupid fucking kneecaps. Dicksense thanked stupid before returning to earth, the second volume of the diary in his hands at last. He learned fromm it's pages that the platinum arse's location will be told to he who coughs on the correct dong. With the help of Yellow Moon, Johnny, Genius Incredible and Faggot, he searched for the dong, however when he coughed, he realised he had coughed on the wrong dong. Oops! what a dick head! After several months with no word on the whereabouts of the Arse OR the correct Dong, Michael Dicksense was angry. So angry, in fact, that he was sent to bed with no dinner. While in his room, he saw a wild Playstation Four. upon destroying the stupid fucking thing because it's a fucking terrible console and Dicksense swore to exact a terrible vengeance upon anyone who's actually retarded enough to buy that fucking hunk of useless junk, he fell out of his window and landed on his ass, which was eliminated. Now he was cold, hungry, out on the streets, and his ass was annihilated. What was Dicksense to do? He wondered miserably down to the local arcade, where he met the gaytato, who led him to a secret cult gathering named Hypnoponies. There, Dicksense met the stupidest fucking people who actually believed they were ponies, and he made an album about how absolutely incredulous they were. He promptly left and stumbled across the cast of Good Mythical Morning, whom he murdered out of anger and danced on their corpses wearing a party hat. Someone asked if he had shat today. He had. Dicksense began to doubt if he'd ever find the Git OR the Arse, when a chuffing gentleman with a small moustache came up to him with ramblings about jews and gits. Dicksense listened intently, before getting so bored he fell asleep. When he woke up, he found himself at a strange place. The wind was howling, and the land was barren, and there was a steep canyon above him. He noticed a figure at the top of the canyon who was clearly a nigger, and he was watching Dicksense intently. He noticed he was holding a book. What luck, it was the third missing volume of the Git Diaries! Not wantingn to be watched by the spooky nigger much longer, he took a quick gander at the book and saw that he had shat himself! The black man laughed and walked off as michael dicksense commited sudoku. When he finally had the guts to look around his new surroundings, he discovered he was in the fabled land of Anal Immolation and thus began to weep because he was a fucking pussy bitch ass wimp nigger bitch. He called for help from his cat, but his cat was a really annoying bastard who just made a racket the whole time.